Can you see there girls?They're SuHai and SuYang.They're twins.Look,they're going to school now.SuHai is twenty minutes older than SuYang,but SuYang 's school bag is heavier than SuHai's school bag .SuHai has a pencilbox,SuYang has ,too.Do you Know ,SuHai  heavier and taller than SuYang ,but SuYang look the nice,they're good twins ,they're good students.

                                                                     请各位老师们帮忙点评一下吧！

呵，刚起步嘛，别灰心，你帮他们翻译成中文，让他们自己去体会并改正吧，相信六年级的他们肯定知道怎么写一篇作文的

写得不错啊，我帮你改了一点点。
Can you see the girls over there?They're SuHai and SuYang.They're twins.Look,they're going to school now.SuHai is twenty minutes older than SuYang,but SuYang 's school bag is heavier than SuHai's .SuHai has a pencilbox,SuYang has one,too. You Know ,SuHai is heavier and taller than SuYang ,but SuYang looks  nice,they're good twins and they're good students.

[ 本帖最后由 新兵 于 2006-2-26 21:10 编辑 ]