An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”

“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么？”带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。

Teacher: Boys, I have a riddle to ask you. There's something wearing beautiful feather, and it can wake you up every morning. What is it, Tom?

Tom: A feather duster, with which father wakes me up every morning.

老师：孩子们，我有个谜语要你们猜：有一种东西，浑身都是漂亮的羽毛，每天早晨它能叫你起床。它是什么东西呢，汤姆？

汤姆：鸡毛掸子，爸爸每天都用它叫我起床。

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife? 你停止打你老婆了吗?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel, who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.


One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.


“I want‘yes’or‘no, ’”thundered counsel. “There is no need for you to argue the point!”


“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no, ’”mildly responded the witness.


“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.


“Oh,” said the witness, “answer this then:“Have you ceased beating your wife?”


这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。


有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。


“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”


“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。

“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？”

He Knows the Answer 他知道答案

Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?

Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

教师：你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？

学生：我能，先生。他们都死了。

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗？”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了！”“是什么好东西？”我问。 “我丈夫的新助听器”。

"If you refuse to marry me," he swore, "I shall die." She refused him.

He died sixty years later.

“你如果拒绝和我结婚，”他发誓说，“我就要死。”她拒绝了他。六十年以后，他死了。

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer. "Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer" "But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer. "Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it and exclaim, "That's Strange!"


一个姓Strange的律师去买墓碑。他选好了以后，石匠问他，要在墓碑上刻什么碑铭。律师回答：“这里长眠着一个诚实的人，一个律师。”“对不起，我办不到，”石匠说，“要是这样的话，违反了一个坟墓只能埋葬一个人的法律。不过，我会刻上：‘这里长眠着一位诚实的律师’。” 律师抗议：“但是那样人们就不知道这里埋葬的是谁啊！”“当然知道啦，”石匠反驳道，“人们看到会惊呼‘太奇怪了！’ ”

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.


在动物园，我无意中听到两个学龄前的小男孩在聊天。“我叫Billy。你叫什么名字？”一个男孩问题。“Tommy”，另一个男孩回答。


“我爸爸是一位会计师，你爸爸是做什么的？”Billy问Tommy。


“我爸爸是一位律师，”Tommy回答。


“真的吗？”Billy问。


“不是啦，就跟别的律师一样。”Tommy回答。

How Could Anyone Stoop So Low? 哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的啊?
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"


我们的餐厅经理是一位深受大家爱戴，和蔼而又快乐的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提－－他的身高。或者，我应该说，他是有点矮！一天，经理怒气冲冲地撞门而入，高声说，“有人拿了我的钱包！”


我和其她大部女招待都没敢吱声，但有人却蹦出一句话：


“哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的啊”！

How Did You Start the Flood? 你是怎么引起洪水的？


A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met a lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, " I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything. What are you doing here?" "That's quite a coincidence," said the doctor "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"


医生在里维埃拉度假时遇到他的一位律师朋友，医生问他怎么会到这里来。律师回答：“我到这里是因为我的房子被火烧了，保险公司赔偿了我所有的损失。” “真巧，”医生说，“我是因为房子被洪水冲垮了，保险公司也赔偿了我所有的损失。”律师看起来有些困惑，他问“哎呀！你是怎么引起洪水的？”