那岂不要我们重新写一遍?
那么高深的语言出自小学生之口,呵呵,只怕评委也要晕倒啊
呵呵

我的四年级的学生将在11月底参加一个昆山的英语演讲比赛。稿子是我同事ALLY（曹莉莉）原创的，但我觉得对于四年级的学生而言，这个稿子偏难了，想请论坛上的朋友提出建议或修改意见。谢谢！
Kunshan, Hope of the City
——By   Ally
Kunshan, a city with long history, is developing very fast during these years. The superior geographic position brings large benefits to this city. With the investment and effective administration, this place will have a bright future.

Nowadays, we can realize that Kunshan likes a growing bamboo. We can see the status of Kunshan becomes more and more important in our country. It has been opened to the whole world and has given the world people a deep impression.


With the accelerating its pace of developing, Kunshan will be more and more modernizations. Everyone can use computer and can log into the internet to reserve commodities and bask services. People will no longer go to bank or Running-water Company to pay the bills. All those things will be done by the Internet. In that case, the traffic will not be so crowded. All the procedures will be simplified. The air in this city will be cleaner and fresher.


As a Kunshan citizen, in order to keep pace with such a prosperous and thriving city and to do some contribution to it, I should not just sit here and wait for all the things happening. I should use my mind and energy to help its development. I’ll try to get to the peak to pick the brightest star.


Kunshan has a splendid future. The great blueprint is connected with me and my fellow generation. To strive for a beautiful future, to build our lovely city. From now on, my fellow generation and I should absorb enough knowledge and foster our abilities to adapt to its steps.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-11-7 12:36:42编辑过]

当然是太难了,我觉得.
里面的词大家看起来是太复杂了.昆版可以把它改的简单一些,以符合孩子的实际情况.
稍后再来.

作为演讲，尽可能用口语化的语言，有些话可以用简单的词来表达．个人意见啊，呵呵．

具体一点啦，呵呵，拜托

应该用小孩的语言写出他眼中的城市，太难了，我觉得可以让我去比赛了，呵呵.

以下是引用昆玉人在2005-11-7 13:46:52的发言：
具体一点啦，呵呵，拜托

比如：Kunshan, a city with long history, is developing very fast during these years.可以改成：
Kunshan is an old city. It has a long history, but it is changing everyday now.

最好的办法，让学生自己写，老师帮他修改、润色，这样写出来的语言就会比较有孩子的味道，不会太成人化、太书面语。

defficult

四年级学生？？？？？